February 16, 2001 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

bigtips

Is there an expiration date stamped on my forehead?

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

Dear Tip,

you

Could check my forehead? Because I think I have an expiration date stamped on it. I've been seeing a great man for about six weeks, and now I know he's about to dump

me.

This always happens. I'm never the one to break up with someone. It's not like the same thing is wrong with me all the time, so I'd know I have a problem. The last two guys dumped me because I was too distant, and because I was too needy. How could I be distant for six weeks, then needy the next six weeks?

Why six weeks? Do they all know each other? Sometimes I have a creepy feeling that they all know each other, and are playing a cruel joke on me. I'm getting scared to go out any more, because I can just about write the script of the breakup during the first week we're together. Am I living in No Committmentville? Or am I really such a well-rounded loser that no one will ever want me?

Will I Ever Get Two Full Months?

Dear Six Leave,

I don't know where you live, but if your town is small enough, they may all know each other. However, it seems like it would take a supernatural amount of effort for them to get that timing so perfect-so I wouldn't waste paranoid energy on the conspiracy theories.

As a matter of fact, I'd try to keep the paranoia down in general, because you may be blowing out your own match. It's unfortunate that you've lost a lot of folks at the same point in dating, but it's a pretty common time for people to pick their heads up from their new paramour's crotch and start thinking, "Uh, I'd better stop calling in sick to work." Then the inevitable evaluation comes, and if you don't make the "relationship" cut, it's time for that batch of fun sex to end, and the hunt to continue on in another direction. Which sucks if you're not the rejecter. All of this breakup action may be making you a little freaky as you approach the inauspicious six-week marker.

Try to relax, and stop being a victim.

Is this recent guy someone you'd like to keep? And not just because he's already there? Tell him. If he's not there for that, at least you weren't a coward. On the other hand, if you know darned well something isn't going to last, don't hang on until the other person calls it off. Sometimes two weeks of nice sex is a

good thing, and it's better for not being followed by four weeks of halfhearted sex.

Now, this guy hasn't left yet. Take control. If you feel like you've got a good thing going, and you feel like he's starting to drift away, just talk to him about it. You never know what kind of crappy history he's got going himself. If he's already gone, I'm sorry. Go have some good times by yourself and with your pals, then get out there again. Bon chance.

Dear Mary,

seen it all? How can I let her know that that I can help?

Been There Before

Dear Been Her, Done That,

You must still be seeing her sometimes, since you were able to check out her phone bill. (I know it's tempting, but spying is rude, okay?) I don't know how long she's been with Elizabeth, but if it's new, ske may very well be in the infatuation stage, and you should know how hard it is to drag your ass out of bed when you're first with some-

BIG TIPS

My friend is having a lot of problems. We've known each other since high school, and even work for the same company now, and we usually tell each other everything, but this is the biggest thing she's ever needed to deal with, and she won't confide in me.

I've been gay since right after high school, and when I told her, she was a little weirded out, but then we stayed friends, and now we're as close as we ever were. Now she's leaving the man she was married to for four years for a woman, and all of a sudden she's zipped her lips.

I also know that she's been spending tons of money on telephone psychics, because I saw her phone bill on the kitchen table. This seems like the kind of time that I would be able to really help her, and I feel very shut out. I don't even see her as much as I used to since she got together with Elizabeth. Why would she pay money for advice when I've

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one.

She's also probably overwhelmed by all

of the changes she's dealing with, and may very well need some peace and privacy. I'll bet she knows that you're there for her, and have lots of good advice, but she's thinking about who she really is, and that's an inner conversation.

Be patient, and don't badger her. Who knows what the psychic hotline calls are about? Maybe her soon-to-be-ex-husband is having an affair with a phony mystic.

Dear Tipper,

I am so stupid. I accidentally left a dirty web page up on my screen at work, behind some documents I was working on. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, all of my documents had been closed out. I have no idea who did it, but whoever it was saw it, I'm sure. We're not even supposed to send personal e-mail from here, or we could get fired. I'm really embarrassed, and I don't

know what to do. What should I do?

Dear Screen Shot,

Surfer Boy

If you haven't told anyone else, you need to hear this from someone: That was really dumb. Never, never do things at work that leave incriminating evidence, and records of your e-mail, and the history of web pages you've visited are legally accessible by your employer. But you already know that.

At this point, there's nothing you can do, but if someone calls you on it, you can say that you didn't mean to go there, and you were so shocked when that page came up, you had to leave your desk. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it wasn't the office narc who saw it.

Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216631-1052, or e-mail to martone @drizzle.com.

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